so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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