3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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