omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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