Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
