After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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