I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
