when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
