Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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