Just fell off a train. Bad.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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