I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
