I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
