Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
