Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
