I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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