So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
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How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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