and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
