One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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