problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
