yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
