I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I love black thongs
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
thus making me awesome and them whores
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
