My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
