If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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