i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
