There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
