I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
