Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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