So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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