ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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