roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
