Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
