I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
