I'm lost and stupid without you.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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