mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
