You really coming over, don't trick.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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