woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
