You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
