just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
