Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
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If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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