I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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