HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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