I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
