I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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