its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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