After last night, I could never be a politician.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
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Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
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We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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