all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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