I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
