You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
