Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
