We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
