The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
