she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
