your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
