I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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