Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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