gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize