He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i think i scared a bird with my dick
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
