No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
