It's Friday. Sex?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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