____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
