I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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