In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
