I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
