I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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