Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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