I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
