i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
