So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Who died my cat blue again?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
