I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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