Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
