you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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