She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
