WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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