so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
